last night, i got the chance to listen once more to Evanescence's My Immortal. i was busy listening to their Open Doors album that has Lithium on it, i nearly forgot this album. i randomly selected a song, then it happened to be My Immortal [the version that is just the piano playing], when the 1st two lines got my attention, "i'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears...". i said, "what is childish fears?". i looked back at my life, i saw my childhood as not that good. i have a deep history of pain and sorrow and regrets. my family, relatives and friends were a tragedy. my relationships with women (past girlfriends that is), made me think again and again about my worth. not that i am not worthy of them but why can't they accept me as i am? they're trying to change the man that i am. why? i don't know. maybe i am failure in their eyes. but, i won't change just because they want me to, i will change because i needed to. and if they can't accept me as who i am, then sorry, i will not do that to please you. but i have to admit that it hurts and makes me ask questions about myself. if only they have seen the good side of me, maybe, just maybe, things might have had a different direction.
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