i often ask myself questions like, "what have i done to myself?", "why have i done those things i did?" and so and so on. but guess what, i still have found the answers to those questions. familiar right? i think so. i might have ruin part of my life, or most of it, and right now, i am trying to rebuild myself from the ashes that i ended up with.
today, i feel so alone. not that i have no one with me (because i do) but because my emotions have been drained, somehow, out from me. i have pushed God's patience, to the limits. i am really desperate now. i don't know what to do with my life, it seems that my goals have been blurred and my hopes been burned. also today, i have felt angry. at whom? at myself. i don't know what came up to me, maybe because i really haven't forgiven myself after all these years. i might have forgiven everyone who offended me, everyone who insulted me, those who mocked me and all, except myself. been blaming myself for all that happened before in my life. people thought what i have said are the words i really wanted to say, unfortunately, they never heard the things i wanted to say behind those words. i am asking for help. but nobody hears it.
i hated myself. i am angry at myself.
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