Depression

last week, is one of the "funniest" weeks, it seems. i was so depressed which started some months ago. the effect is, i got flu. it may be safe to say that my temperature that time was around 40°. why? i am so delusioning that time, seeing things that are not there, talking to myself or someone else aside from my brother. the effects were so nasty. and it is also the first time, since i got into Dell that i had to be absent from work for two (2) days! good thing is, i secured a medical certificate to justify my absence. then, i went to my son's mom. i spent a day there, spent time with my kid. was still dizzy and still having headaches. i was so confused and so "out of state" that time, whew!

i, before that week, already know that i am going thru some depressive stage... again. it happened last 2003 if i'm not mistaken. i thought i am already passed that depression, but i guess i'm back. i know i have the seasonal affective disorder. and why do i know it? i don't like christmas. and i don't celebrate my birthday. as i remembered, someone promised to help me to get out of this stage, but unfortunately, it never happened. maybe never will.

and what am i doing to at least relieve me of my depression? well, my work does help. not much, but it does. and by the way, I AM NOT bragging about my depression. i know what is happening to me, i know what caused it. and i don't have the suicidal tendencies yet, and i am praying never to have that. but it comes once in a while. but my work also triggers my depression. how? long story.

i am really looking for help. i may not show it, but i wanted help. here in the Philippines, depression is something common but not recognized easily due to a lot of things. and before i forgot, i also thought that people with depression should just look ahed of what's instore for them and they should be happy. but then again, i am wrong. i now see, and now learning what it is and what it is not. still a long road to walk on, a long journey. hopefully, i fully recover.


please, pray for me.