lip gloss and sex

she stood by waiting for me,

i asked her how long have she been there,

told me that it's just a few minutes or so.

i asked her to come with me then

"i will take you to my place where we could be alone."

at my place i let her change her clothes,

i let her use my shirt and boxers,

then she laid at my bed.

i laid beside her, wearing nothing.

i touched her and she reacted with pleasure.

we're now having steamy sex.

she's good in bed, really do.

i made her come wave after wave...

i also came inside her.

and we went on and on again.

after a few days or so,

she sent me a message that we're through.

oh my goodness!

what the heck!?

she thought it broke my heart

and that i will die after she left me.

guess what?

she forgot that what we had

is never a relationship with love.

it's just a relationship made out

for sex, and not love.

himala (miracle)

i always prayed to see you
dancing outside in the rain,
filled with joy & laughter,
never a spot of loneliness
and no trace of sorrow or grief.

i always beg the heavens
for answers to my qualms,
even though i know i am nothing
in the eyes of the good Lord God.

i bruised my knees in askingGod
for protection and deliverance
for you all of the times.
and all i'm just wanting is
proof of what i had been asking
for a long, long time.

would it be a defiance if i
really asked heavens for one answer,
i had begged for so long,
been praying for one consolation,
i need your love.

shades of darkness

if tomorrow i die,

please burn my body.

don't let people cry because of me,

i know they'll just pretend

to be affected by my death.

if tomorrow i passed out,

throw me to the ocean,

leave me to drown in my own

self-pity and sorrow,

then to succumb 'til i die

in my pool of grief and regrets.

when the rain stops pouring,

when the sun began to shine,

i wish you to smile,

for even in my darkest times,

you gave me your love.

but as for the mean time,

let me cry and scream in anger,

let my blood be sucked out from me,

let me die in utmost sadness,

i cannot live without you by my side.

how to begin an end

i had been drugged,
led to believe in life after
that lies and betrayal took,
i was told the sun will shine again.
but it has been 48 thousand years,
and still the shadow of the night
covers me like it will not end.

and they gathered around me,
as if i am to listen to their non-sense,
political, scientific shits.
they're teaching me to accept,
bend and conform to their norms,
should i just kill 'em all?

if my life has no direction,
then what do i call their lives?
pretending to be someone,
living as if they have millions,
acting like whores and assholes.

my old solitude is my freedom,
my sorrow is my only ballad,
misery came to be my friend,
fallen... once an angel.

a lost soul's prayer

why have i ended here?
in a place i know exists
but never thought i will
be returning again to this
desolated place.

i know i have fallen from grace,
my mistakes led me to believe
that i am unworthy of Your love.
i lied to myself.

those people who have betrayed me
they're still living their own lives,
while i got stuck here in this damn place,
i remained to be a liar and stupid.
what have i done to myself?

never did i wanted to be left alone,
i wanted to break free from my lies,
i wanted to start my life all over again,
i wanted to move on and be alive.
though i have fallen in love with sorrow,
i would have to separate my life.

i will stay in the darkness,
because nobody judges me here.
i am still me, even if im free.

long way home

i dreamed of home,
i longed for home,
and the time for home.
but it was burned down already
by the people who raised me,
they burned it down
even though i cried and screamed
for my home not to be burned.

i cried and cried,
begged for mercy and cried some more,
but nobody listened to me,
they all agree on burning down
my hopes and my dreams.

they bullshit me, assholes,
i would not dare blend with me,
why?! because they suck and stink!

i dreamed of home,
i longed for home,
i burned their homes.