white [sanctuary of the soul]

i have found my own place,

neither dark nor lit,

a place where my soul can rest,

and my find find solace.

a place where people would think

as an eerie place for a soul

to stay.

nobody here thinks i'm weird,

stupid or dumb and like that.

this place only knows quietness,

stillness and serenity.

it lets me think and write,

and pour out my feelings,

gives me the time i need.

most people call it cemetery,

i call it home.

mistakes [glimpse of my childish fears]

it has been quite some time
already,
but memories of a brute past
has not left me alone,
on a satisfaction rate,
of the impulses i've got,
it is clear to me that i am
blurred.

i am one of the many
who wishes death to come,
but then,i don't know.
i previously committed suicide,
and when i thought i died,
there i was,
lying on the hospital bed.
tik tak! tik tak!
like a time bomb
ready to explode.

never underestimate
the power of a child,
for when he grows up,
another angel fallen from heaven
and rejected by hell.

one night stand [postcard from my grave]

she's gasping for air,
you can see pleasure
in her eyes and by the
way she smiles,
her sweat's running down
her naked body.
you will hear her moaning
louder and louder with
each thrust i give her.

her legs now wrapped
onto my body,
she's telling me that
she's already coming for
the nTH time.

i anticipated.

i am ready to explode inside
her anytime now,
i will not let a drop from me
to escape her.

she screamed from satisfaction,
she breathes heavily,
she's perspiring so much,
and i am still on top of her,
shooting off my troops.

another generation of loners.

dark prayer [ballad of the fallen angel]

Father God, i kneel down before You,

i beg of You for an audience,

i... i have been too stupid to believe,

that my life would be okay without You,

i had been lured to walk away,

to run faster and further away from You,

i am so sorry...

please, i beg Your grace before me.

i apologize my Lord,

i never listened to Your words,

i had been so busy and flirtatious

and lusted for what the world

has to offer to me.

i cannot describe the pain i

caused You.

i am but a dust,

how can i caused You so much pain?

i blamed You for the things

that had happened to me

where in the end,

it was i who caused my own pain,

hear my cries Father...

hear Your fallen angel.

unloved [glimpse from my childish fears]

i am standing by

the graves of the people

whom i loved,

i buried them deep.

deeper than usual.

they're the ones who

caused me great pains,

they're the one who

molded and brought me up

with hatred and sorrow.

i tried to ask them for help

instead, they laughed at me,

talking trash at me.

my mind gone wild,

so i did killed them,

for they are unworthy,

and they're just pigments

of my darkest pasts.

childish fears [to where i began]

i looked back when i was young,

i saw how my life now was.

there i was,

full of anger, ire and regrets.

they never let me grow old,

because they always thought

that i am a kid.

now, i am a grown man.

still that past haunts me like

they're here to stay at my

own present.

i still see myself

as a boy who's no good

because i can't.

they never see who i am,

my deep seethed hatred,

anger, regrets and sorrow,

now i know its beginning.

ELECTION 2007

the Philippine elections is drawing near, it will be on May 11, 2007 [i think], and already these senatoriables are throwing dirt at each other. my goodness, they're like kids taking lollipops from each other. some of them are so bitter with what happened previously that the wanted their party members to take an oath that they will support the impeachment. our Commission On Elections' [COMELEC] building has been burned, taht i dont know if its intentional or not, death threats are on its way, etc. the politicians are telling the people that THEY are the hope of their dreams, that is BULLSHIT! how can they be the hope of OUR future when all they wanted was to sit, wait for their payday and enjoy life?! ONLY A HANDFUL OF TEHM ARE DOING THINGS FOR THIS COUNTRY! i dont even know if they have a clear platform for the country. they're saying that they will give food at peoples tables, educate all of our kids, give us jobs, etc, COME ON! they can't even stop the traffic enforcers from taking bribes to jeepney drivers! corruption is on of the worst things that we as Filipinos are facing right now. [sigh], i just hope that my countrymen will realize and think for sometime who tey will vote. because if they just based it on personalities, the Philippines is DOOMED!

unspoken

i see tears flowing down,
was here but out of sight,
wondering what's wrong with me,
in an instant.

all of a sudden,
my fears came back,
my courage left me,
and i am confused,
i can't hold on to me.

in a second round
of destructive hate and pain,
fresh air breezed in,
and cooled down hot heads.

i never saw what was coming,
all i heard was footsteps,
laughters and cries of them,
creatures with no name.

risen sun [proverbs from the ashes]

convicted criminal,
a fallen angel in the dark,
rejected by heaven,
thrown out from hell,
where will you go?

does it say that love
is something you'll earn?
or something you'll
work for so hard?

when the necessities of life
becomes the very thing
that ends it,
how will you go and live?
this is bullshit!

i find no rest for my soul,
i am so tired of my so-called life,
i wanted to die,
but death is fleeing from me,
I HATED YOUR LOVE!
YOUR OWN LOVE MADE ME
THE FALLEN ANGEL THAT I AM!!!
FUCK YOU!

cry in the abyss [sanctuary of the soul]

from where i came from,

love is not different from hate,

kiss is from your "judas",

help is with a price.

from the dark childhood,

i thought i had it erased,

but a simple song

reminded me of my "childish fears",

and it brought me tears.

i saw what bloodlines can do,

the wreck you'll find the most,

are those inside your own homes,

the most brutal words,

they'll be heard inside your house.

with disrespect and foolishness,

a home creates the fallen angels,

a house a breeding ground

for those that sings the dark, cold ballads.

"train up a child in the way he should go,

and when is he old..."

he will create more havocs and tears.


© 2007, [soulprojekt]